Another Year

On the bus ride back now, and in the past few days since the last ride the earth has exploded into a lush new green. A year has passed again since the last. The same pounds were gained and lost. The same allergy medication put away and taken out again. The same clothes packed away and dug out from under the bed one more time. I tell myself that this year will be different, not really knowing what that might mean.

I do know that I am tired of and bored with my same thoughts, same awkward teenage feelings, same habits that refuse to commit to a purpose or religion, and same default reasoning to look out for miss number one. I’m tired of looking for a happiness conditional on so much perfection, tired of looking at my life like a Disney movie gone wrong. But what to replace these things with? So far, all I have to go on is to be better: kinder, more patient, more giving, more forgiving, more graceful. I write it here so that someone out there could hold me accountable for these things, so to not repeat the same year again.